spontaneous combustion!

Hello blog world!

i have to admit that i'm very new to this but i love writing and maybe you're interested! today, it hit me that i'm considered an adult in some people's eyes. i don't feel like an adult. my hands are still the same size, not wrinkly yet. i don't have to plan relaxation, and i haven't started wearing shoulder pads. but contrary to my own thoughts, i did read the newspaper yesterday and completely eliminate almost every article of clothing from high school this weekend. even good old planet exchange didn't take any of my clothes. they must have been pretty bad. but, upon realizing that i am getting older... i need to determine my style of music; what i want to be known for or at least something to strive for.

right now i am writing new songs while taking classes at MTSU in the school of music. the theory is kicking my butt because i have such an ear for music and now it's not such a blessing. it's such a challenge but i know it's where God wants me so He'll get me through. but i can't stop writing jazz and worship hand in hand. they're complete opposites! this is crazy! it's been fun but is it impossible to do both? i really want to write music that sounds like it's jazzy but it's worship. but, i don't know if it'll work because to me, jazz is romantic and worship music is a different kind of romance. sheesh, but i wish they could join in some sexy but pure way! maybe that's the problem with some Christian music. haa, don't worry though, i'm not getting my hopes up on creating a "sexy-christian"style. bump that.

i'm still left with one problem; to me, jazz is only 100% if it's not recorded. i only like to listen to jazz if it's on the radio or live because then it can sustain it's spontaneity. there's just something to be said about those old classic recordings of raw, live, uncaged talent... before computers. i want to do that but remain spontaneous. either because i'm naturally spontaneous or i'm the youngest of 5 girls and it's some warped bid for attention. but, spontaneity also adds to my musical identity crisis! i have to choose a style. one. for at least now. i guess we'll find out... keep singing